highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
