The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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