plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
