Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
