went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
