im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
