I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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