Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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