I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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