well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
