What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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