I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
