Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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