I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
