1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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