i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
