I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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