so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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