Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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