I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
