Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
