Welp...herpes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
