but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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