i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
