I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
