Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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