i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
