my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
