If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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