eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
