I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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