3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize