She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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