He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
