You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
