Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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