I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
