Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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