Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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