Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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