I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
