I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
