I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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