My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
the raccoons are back...
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