I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
