wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
