So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
