I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
