So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
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i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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