Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
