They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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