last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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