Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
