Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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