Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize