I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
