NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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