Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
