either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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