I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
