butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
