the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
