I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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