he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
