It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize