Just fell off a train. Bad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
