i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
