I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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