I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize