I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
