So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
