I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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