youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
