i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
