Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
