so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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