hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
