Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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