i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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