I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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