i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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