Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
