the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
