do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
