left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
