Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
