Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
