My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
